One More Time
August 10 2004

Fear, they say is a thing of this world. Everybody has it on a regular basis. Doubt, is also another characteristic that most human beings possess. I am bringing up these two critical words because of the emails I have received from most of you over the past few months. Am I afraid about my chances in Athens? Do I have doubts about my abilities to perform? I will address these two questions later in the diary. I consider it a solemn duty to be honest with reporters about my state of mind at every stage of my preparations. If I am hurt, I will express it. If I am feeling like gold, I will do the same. I am not delusional; therefore, I will not paint a rosy picture of my expectations or my preparations to the detriment of the truth. But that does not in anyway mean that a person's status or mental strength is diminished because you candidly discuss your state of mind. I personally feel it makes you more of a man to admit that you are in a corner and to express your fears, as long as it is not a cop-out. I shall get to that too, later.

You shake me and look me in the eyes
Tell me how great I am
Of the ambassador I have become
You shake my hands again

You buy into my dreams early
Rise with me in my sleep
Like an umbrella over my head
Nourish those youthful African dreams

You met me at the airport with fanfare
Were the first to unveil those towers
Gave me recognition in distant places
Opened those sparkling eyes to a nation

But you got your picks now
Four years and you do not believe anymore
Your boxes are of other hopefuls now
You betrayed that which said, "I was first"

Are you a betting person? Have you seen the happenings recently? Have you seen the predictions of those that are supposed to win in Athens? Did you hear about the grumbles over the choice of our flag bearer? How far are we going to go with this? How is it possible that our voting preferences, rather than our character and sporting achievements should determine who gets to lead Canada into major sporting events? Nicholas Gill deserves to be the flag bearer; my hat is off to him for the human being he is, on and off the judo mat. That someone from a not-too-well-known sport like judo should be so honored is good news for most of us in sports that will never get that recognition, no matter what we are and have become. In a country where corporate sponsorship too, is more about the sport you play and not necessarily about your potential, abilities, and character, makes me really excited for Nicholas. Judo, like wrestling, is a sport, not a game. We do not play it, we perform, all the power to him.

My training, if you would like to know, is very much on track. It has not been as smooth as anticipated or we would have preferred, but that is what we got and what we have to work with. If I had my way, I would push the Olympics three months forward. But I can't, and I am happy to use the time I have to make the best of my opportunities. There have been some distractions that have sidetracked our original plan to an extent. The truth be told though, most athletes go through the same processes; most of us are not 100% healthy, so I am among the 50% or so athletes that have to make do with what we have got.

If you read the Vancouver province a few days ago, you would have heard about "the silence of the drums". Now, I still wonder if the drums are silent or am I just not hearing them? Am I deaf or are the drummers asleep? Are they beating the drums but just not loud enough? Could the talking drums be vibrating in the hills and caves of the distant Eniwari forests where the spirits roam wild and thirst to devour and occupy? Are we still in the mood for libation, incantations and rituals? What are the soothsayers predicting? Do they need the best ogogoro that the palm wine tapper can produce to invoke the spirits of Omgbo-Omgbo? If indeed the drummers are asleep, are they conscious of the mandatory wake-up time? Would two years of slumber be enough for a most-important quadrennial battle cry? Aren't the sheathed swords getting dull from inactivity? Are those drums made of Iroko tree and of the skin of the hare? What about the drumsticks, could they be brittle from inactivity or do we need new drumsticks? Whatever it is, whether it be the drums, or the drummers; the animal skin or the drumsticks, we got three weeks. It is an ultimatum.

Tell the gravediggers to cease the act
A sense of life is unearthed in a breath
The diagnoses of inches and width
Of length and size and structure and gait

We have not forgotten about the battle
Clinging to floating timbers to Kabu
Igali sulking and young and nervous
Sole survivor remained to tell the tale

Centuries later offspring conflicted
In a different battle of guts and grit
Dearth of commercials and expectations
Delivers a tonic to excel and disprove

What is with all the talk about doubt and fear and all the other insinuations?
The town crier's gong rings hollow every so often. They have said these things many times in the past. Initially, it was that I would never make it because such miracles never occurred in the parts of the world where I come from. Then it was about size, funny how size is an issue again, twenty years later. In a village dog-eat-dog scramble for supremacy, size was supposed to be the defining factor. Then it was about the surgery, not many people come back from it and have a competitive career, I had been told. Then it was the weight class, with 69 eliminated, we were supposed to pack it in. Those have all come to pass; this will surely come to pass too.

A reality check however, never hurts. Lets look back at the odds. Two years at the weight class, no major victory at an international tournament. About ten tournaments combined, whopped, but never disgraced. Size issues are true, they are lankier, larger, taller, longer, and have won the ones that have mattered until now. Two tries at the world championships have netted 5th and 11th place finishes. The body has not co-operated as well as it has been expected to, as well. We are not getting younger either, four years older, stronger and more fragile bones. A little more experienced and more critical of my training and performances. The coaches are all optimistic. The mind is willing; the body has been hesitant at times, but mostly on the same page as the rest of the team. The team is jacked. Now, if you were a betting person, where would you put your money? For an ageing warrior who still thinks he has some fight left in him, in a weight class that he has really not proved himself, or would you rather book on the favorites - the Russian, American, Belarusian, and the Iranian?

This has nothing to do with fear. We are beyond fear. It has nothing to do with having an excuse, if we needed an excuse, it would have been four years ago. We are in the middle of the pack. We chase closely behind the leading group. The name of the game is to know when to attack, when to overtake the favorites and take it down the stretch. We do not agonize about this like our life depends on it; we have nothing to prove, nor do we have anything to lose. We have proven what we are; now, it is about not wanting to have any regrets. Bret Hart, I hear you loud and clear. Believe! Simon Whitfield, I have come to understand so well that it is not all about winning. I have always understood that; however, for me, it is about giving myself a chance. That is all I ask for.

Save On Foods, Surrey 103ave branch, thanks for the send off. Fitness World in Surrey, thanks for showing me love, I appreciate all your support. For all of you who have said a silent prayer, thank you and keep praying. With the new rules barring athletes from writing diaries while at the Olympic Games, this may be my last diary entry. Remember that there is such a thing as muscle memory.

Keep sweating,

Dynamite Daniel Igali